Starting my journey to Islam was one of the most profound exploration’s of faith I had when it came to self-discovery. Every single step of Islam unravels new insights and a new understanding not just of this dunya (life) but the akhira (the hereafter).
My journey actually started a year before I officailly took my shahada or had a thought in my mind about reverting to Islam.
For background context my father’s side of the family has a background in the baptist christian church while my mom’s side has a background of being buddhist. As I grew up I went to church every Sunday, as I was told too but I never could grasp or get into the culture of the church or the scripture, so I veered more toward my mother’s root’s of being buddhist and I practiced the religion for almost 3 years.
If you are not familiar with the buddhist religion, it is a religion that is solely based upon the fact that human life is one of suffering and that physical labor,good behavior, spiritual kindness and meditation are ways you can acheive extinguishing of passions. This is a very common religion in Thailand with over 520 million follower’s world wide.
So, where did the change come in? You may be asking. And I remember fighting this change for a while because I had not done a lot of reseach on islam nor had i read much of the Quran. But, I slowly started having this feeling that I should stop meditating, so I did. I remeber not giving any offering or contributing to meditation for about two months and one day I woke up with this urge to have God in my life and a few month’s before I started to dress more modestly.
I was working at a call center at the time, when I was driving to work one morning the same need of God in my life overtook me and I said in my head, God if I am meant to submit to you then send me a sign in a dream. I asked specifically because I knew at this time in my life, I needed the reassurance with a big action if it was meant for me. I also asked for this because I rarely have dreams and in my mind I thought God was going to sendd me a dream (I should learn from this that God does as he will’s and he can answer to your asking’s in different way’s)
About two weeks later, I was speaking with my roommate at the time and she mentioned to me she had a dream and I was in it. In the dream she saw God but not his face and said that I was in the dream and God kept calling me her,”sister.” And saying,”your sister is coming with you!” I took this as one sign but of course, I am the kind of person this wasn’t enough. From this I did take note of the word ‘sister’ because in Islam other female muslim’s are your sister’s in islam, we are all one.
On the next drive to work I had, I asked God to send me another sign but don’t just send me a sign also, send me a book. I did this intentionally because as I had thought’s about God, I did not know what I was meant to follow and I wanted clear proof.
A few day’s go by and I don’t get any sign’s but I remain patient. I get ready to go bed one night, I open my tik tok and for the first time ever I start seeing ‘muslim revert’ stories on my feed. I recognize this as a minor sign but what do I do? I ignore.
I go and scroll up to switch apps and open up instagram so I can scroll through my feed there, low and behold here come’s the final sign I asked for and up pop’s an AD that says ‘Get your free Quran shipped to you today.” I filled out my information, it said it would take about 4 weeks to arrive and my clear quran arrived 3 days later in my mailbox. God guide’s who he wills.
I felt overwhelmed with emotions as I sensed God's guiding presence and felt honored to receive signs after grappling with feelings of sinfulness for multiple month’s. I remember after I opened back up conversation’s with my roommate regarding my desire and signs I had been given to veer towards islam, she mentioned on my birthday last year she had a dream of me with hijab on in a kictchen. This turn of event’s was all the signs I one asked for and two that I needed.
Once I had time to sit down and read the opening chapter (Al-Fatiha) I began to cry because I felt God was speaking to me directly, year’s of words I needed to hear. He had them written for me in this moment but it felt like i knew them a lifetime.
The Quran became my solace, alleviating my loneliness and trauma from childhood, as I found reassurance in feeling divinely guided and embraced by God's will.
I continued to read the Quran as the month’s went on and I got the courage to walk into Masjid Al Salaam (located in North Kansas City, MO), where I was welcomed in my jeans and shirt with sister’s who wanted to hear about my experience, how i found Islam and these same sister’s ended up planning my Shahada for me, gifting me starter items from book’s,modest clothes, Quran’s,hijab’s and lifelong sister-hood. The sisters at the mosque felt like divine guidance, aiding and welcoming me; I'm immensely grateful for their support during that time.
When I went to the masjid it was a few weeks before Ramadan started and on the Jummah (Friday) before Ramadan, my sister’s welcomed me into Islam and gifted me muslimah essentials for my journey that for my lifetime.
In Islam, it's believed that God guides whom He wills. Each journey is unique, but once I found Islam, I felt an undeniable certainty. I'm deeply grateful for the support I've received, and I recognize the ease with which God, alone, facilitated my path to reversion. I pray that this ease continues, by His grace. Inshallah, may it remain gentle upon me.
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